New School
Gossip and rumors…we see it portrayed in cartoons, played out in comedy television such as The Office and Everybody Loves Raymond, and listen to tunes such as “I Heard It Through the Grapevine.” We even have “gossip columns” and “rumor mills” all in the name of finding the scoop.
For the most part, we have this need to be in the know and to be included.
According to Wikipedia, gossip takes many forms from amusing tidbits, exaggerated news, and even company announcements such as the recent NBA announcement that players are banned from Twittering before and during game play. And then, you have the insidious and negative rumors that often impose a more sinister motive onto other people. For example: “Hey, did you hear about Bob? I can’t believe they are promoting him. Don’t they see how bad he is as a supervisor? Management just won’t listen to us.”
When this kind of office gossip occurs in a place of business and gets out of hand, it can have a very destructive impact on employee morale, create a hostile work environment, and ultimately, damage a business’ reputation. Gossiping is a behavior that is here to stay. It is practically impossible to stop people from talking and sharing information. The question is how do we respond to and manage the act of gossiping?
This series of posts will address the following elements:
1) How to recognize and become aware of what motivates us to gossip
2) How to communicate directly our concerns without gossip
3) How to respond when someone engages us in gossip
4) What leaders need to do to minimize office gossip
What Motivates People To Gossip?
So, what motivates people to gossip, especially when the gossip can be destructive or hurtful to the individual, team or organization?
Often, the unknown that comes with change creates a great deal of fear, anxiety and confusion. We feel the need to talk about this unknown to others as a way to deal with our own anxieties and fears. Let’s take a look at what is happening all around the country -- layoffs. My friend and colleague Alicia Arenas told me about a “confidential” layoff at a client’s company. The employees knew the “confidential” layoff was coming, they even knew the day and the time of the layoff. Someone overheard someone who knew some of the details and word spread throughout the company within two hours. The communication plan that was supposed to alleviate employee concerns and spare them unnecessary stress was defunct. Leadership had to shift from planning to crisis management in just a few hours.
Employees choose to gossip as a way to seek support, to feel justified or heard and to protect what they feel is being threatened. In the case of a layoff, they want to protect their jobs. Generally, people who have the need to gossip are fulfilling an underlying need to talk about their concerns with someone they feel safe with and can trust. On the other hand, the compulsive “office gossip” who has earned a reputation as someone not to trust is fulfilling a need to feel important and to feel included when in reality their very actions prevent them from getting what they truly need and at a cost to others.
Next post coming soon -- Minimizing The Negative Impact of Gossip
© 2009 Patricia M. Porter, The Texas Conflict Coach™
http://www.conflictconnections.com
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
This is an interesting question. I suppose gossiping is a learned human behavior trait.
When gossip is simply for the sake of “keeping track of others”, etc it’s a risky proposition to positive + trusting relationships. For the most part, gossip by itself lacks real meaning. The act can lead to distance rather than bridging communication divides. I vote people resist the urge, especially in the workplace.
Hi! Meghan,
I agree that gossip is a behavior we have to CHOOSE not to engage in. I’m not a saint and I found myself gossiping about someone else to a colleague and in the moment caught myself and said “what is my reason for doing this?” I needed to feel heard and vindicated for what I believed to a perceived hurt. Then, I thought how might this information I just shared have an impact on this person in my colleague’s eyes. Remember what our parents said “If you don’t have anything nice to say about a person, don’t say it at all.”
Pattie aka Texas Conflict Coach
Oh, and Meghan thanks for your input and support on the topic.