Old School
Why do we love to gossip? In the first post on gossip, we found out that people gossip because it is a way for them to find support, feel justified and to protect what they feel is being threatened. But regardless of the reason for gossip, it is still destructive. Gossip is here to stay. The question is how do we respond to and manage gossip?
Minimizing The Negative Impact of Gossip
It should be no surprise that it starts with us. If you want to stop gossip you need to hold yourself accountable for your own actions and stop gossiping! Sorry. How do you stop? The key is to understand what you are or you’re not getting by gossiping with other people.
Second, go to the source. If you hate the destructive nature of gossip and you want to see it stopped, choose to address your concerns directly with the right person. In the case of a layoff, the best thing to do is talk with your manager or Human Resources. If you hear that negative things are being said about you, go directly to the person who said them.
How To Talk To The Source
It can be intimidating, but here are some steps to help you have a productive conversation about the gossip.
1. Think through why it is a concern. Once you know that, you are better equipped to address your needs.
2. Ask the other person for time to talk. Blasting into someone’s office or cubicle without warning does not create a good atmosphere for resolving conflict.
3. Approach the person without attacking or blaming. This may mean you have to wait and cool off.
4. Communicate clearly your concern using I-statements such as “I am concerned about losing my job.” “I am concerned about the rumors I’m hearing.”
5. Listen with purpose and without interruption. State your concerns and your needs and then be quiet.
Here’s an example of the best way to do this in action:
You: Boss, I need to speak to you about a concern I have. Do you have some time to speak right now?
Boss: Actually, I’m on a deadline. Can this wait?
You: I guess, but I want to talk to you about it today.
Boss: Why don’t we talk around 4:00?
4:00 pm
You: Well, I overheard a conversation that the new CEO is going to fire people and well frankly, I am concerned about us losing our jobs especially in these tough times.
Boss: I understand, but it’s just a rumor. The new CEO hasn’t even started, so we need to be patient and wait to hear directly from him about his future plans for the organization. I do know that senior leadership will be meeting with the CEO next week.
You: Is there any way you can talk to the other employees? They are hearing the same rumors.
Boss: Yes. I’ll let them know what I just said to you.
Next post coming soon — How To Respond To Gossipers
© 2009 Patricia M. Porter, The Texas Conflict Coach™
http://www.conflictconnections.com
