As most of you know, there was a bit of drama yesterday regarding one of my blog posts.
To those of you who reached out to me via blog comments, on Twitter and in direct messages I thank you! As I write this, I’m feeling deeply appreciative of my friends and colleagues. And so, I’d like to give you an update.
Choices
The person to whom I referred in my post (let’s call her “Tanya” for convenience sake) contacted me and asked if we could talk. I must admit I was hesitant at first, but I agreed. I found her to be warm, intelligent, strong and sincere. Even so, we had a frank conversation about what happened. Tanya was disappointed that I had not reached out to her prior to my post. I explained that my intention was to vent, and obtain your (my readers’) insight and opinions.
We each had a choice in how to handle this situation. Either one of us could have escalated things at any point. I could have given you Tanya’s name, Twitter ID and website. I didn’t. She could have asked her thousands of followers to come to my blog and post nasty comments. She didn’t. We both could have formally involved attorneys; and although it came up, neither of us did. In fact, I give her kudos for even contacting me to talk – that took courage. (BTW, she did update her site with an acknowledgment before she called me.)
We had more choices. She could have chosen to believe that my intention was to slander and malign her. I could have chosen not to believe her when she explained how long she had been working on her post and that she did not pilfer from mine.
But I made a difference choice (as did she). As silly as it might sound, during our conversation last night, I choose to believe that she had no ill intent. In fact, during our call, we both expressed regret. She apologized to me and I apologized to her. Crazy? Maybe. But I felt it was the right thing to do. As we ended our call 45 minutes later, I don’t think either of us felt warm-fuzzies. But we did end our call wishing each other the best.
Lessons
Would I post another blog about something that upset me deeply? Probably. Would I give the person who offends me an opportunity to respond before I post anything, even if I don’t release a name? Probably.
Should you? Should you allow the emotion within you to make it’s way to the pages of your blog? Honestly, I’m a bit conflicted. I think one of the privileges of having a blog is that it is yours to do with as you want; you and I are blessed with the freedom to say whatever we’d like. At the same time, every word we write and everything we say has a consequence. And perhaps if two different people had been involved, this situation would have ended differently with more stress, credibility tainted and money lost.
So my dear readers, may I ask you again – what do you think?
Photo Courtesy of Laffy4k
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
Alicia-
I am so happy there was a resolution to this. I can understand how this has upset you. You are right, there were a myriad of ways to handle this. You handled this beautifully! Very proud of you. You are a very poised, successful professional. I admire you, and you inspire me! Blessings to you!
Your friend, Shennee:)
Kudos on actually getting on the phone and talking through the issue (though I COMPLETELY appreciate the trepidation that must have preceded that decision). I think too often people are willing to throw email bombs at each other, rather than actually engaging. On the other hand – how do you engage with a total stranger – and one that appears to have “transgressed?” On that front, I would also commend “Tanya” for reaching out and trying to right the apparent wrong. All in all, you guys handled it like adults – or like adults should handle things.
Now, can the two of you please run for Congress? They could stand some education on how to work things out…
Alicia, Sorry for the rough time. I’m very glad you and “Tanya” found some level of resolution and closure.
As for the lessons…I was just thinking yesterday that I wish I could blog about what I REALLY want to, the juicy details of every day life of the job and how they relate to broader themes. But working in HR, I can’t. For the most part, those stories are not mine to tell. I can only refer to them much later, with details heavily disguised. Which is a shame cuz I sure do have some good tales to tell!
Anyway, I am glad you took the high road and lived out those tag words highlighted on the left side of the screen! : )
Alicia,
Well done!
Professionalism & class. It would be hard to imagine that your work doesn’t reflect the same qualities.
Hi Alicia – I am excited that you both took the high road and that you exposed your angst. It took major courage to share your feelings both the before and after and I really respect you for it. I feel like I know you better and will tune you in more often as a result.
Keep on … Acting As If It Were Impossible to Fail! – Joe
Kudos to you Alicia! What you have done is so hard and shows what kind of courageous and (for)giving person you are. This very thing happened to Chris Brogan earlier this week. Unfortunately, this will not be the last time we will hear of a situation like this. Social Media has brought the HR and Recruiting community closer together and also exposed certain people for what they are.
Keep fighting the good fight! We are proud of you and respect your professional decisions.
Jessica Miller-Merrell
@blogging4jobs
Alicia, thanks for sharing your dilemma and how you chose to deal with it…very upfront and honest. So often, we are emotionally charged in conflict and choose to respond from this place of high emotion, and this only leads us down a destructive path. Your choice to “tackle the issue” not attack the person is a very constructive and competent way of dealing with conflict. Kudos to you!
My mother has told me over the years to never put things in writing that you would regret later, that even if you’re right, and even if you’re defending yourself when you’ve been wronged.
And even when you’re just being direct without bouncing. Being direct (without emotion and especially with) is a tough pill for many people to swallow. Leaders can’t do it with management. Managers can’t do it with employees. Spouses can’t do it with one another. Parents can’t do it with children.
I like being direct. Mom and I don’t really agree on this point.
I don’t regret much these days and haven’t for over a decade. Reason why? Because I own everything I throw out there and am responsible for the consequences. I lived the squeamish alternative for too many years.
Regardless of the context, Tanya should’ve known better and been more responsible. I would’ve done the same thing you did and called her out in the forum where she plagiarized you – online in your blog.
My choice is to be direct without being hurtful. The lesson is that it makes for greater focal strength and mindful presence and you cut out the middleman.
The circumventing bullsh%t.
Ironically, that’s actually one thing my mother did tell me over the years: you have to go through it, not around it.
Alicia, thanks for making us aware of what happened with this situation. You did the right thing not to react and rather to respond to her actions. I believe that when a person takes verbatim everything you have written in a post, they will not be able to really carry it through because it was not something that they truly own. Nobody can really take anything away from you what truly belongs to you. Even when a person steals your things from your house, (this has happened to me personally) they will have to deal with their actions eventually. Even if the person has no conscience or remorse, I believe that there are consequences to taking something that does not belong to you. I’m looking forward to your future insights.
Marguerite @MGRecruiter