I haven’t written a blog post in three weeks. I’ve tried. I’ve sat in front of my computer screen almost every day and attempted to come up with something meaningful, smart and witty. But it didn’t happen. So I decided to stop trying so I could figure out what was going on and I realized that I was having an ethical dilemma: Where do we draw the line as bloggers?
My husband and I had a rash of crappy customer experiences in July. We went to one of our favorite restaurants and were treated terribly. We bought two new bikes and were treated even worse there. Then my car broke down. Based on how it behaved, we thought it was the transmission. Less than thrilled about spending $3k for a new one, we had it towed to the closest mechanic shop, one we had not used before. Later that day, my husband received a phone call from them and the manager said, “Mr. Arenas, I would love to sell you a new transmission, but I can’t. You need a new alternator.”
Full stop.
An honest mechanic? Isn’t that a contradiction in terms? If they told us it was the transmission, we would have believed them. But they chose to act ethically and treat us honestly which cost them a $3k sale.
On a high from this amazing experience, I wrote a blog post praising this business. I described what happened, gave the name of the business, included links to their site, mentioned the people with whom we spoke and said that they are an example of how making the right decision in the short term leads to long-term success. I was ready to send it out on Twitter and Facebook with recommendations but decided to wait until after we picked up the car.
When we got there, the manager changed his tune. He said that they found something else wrong with car. He said that when they changed some belts for us, they discovered that hoses were not connected to the transmission properly; they were damaged and needed to be replaced. He also said that since the car is a Nissan, the hoses were expensive, had to be special ordered and would take at least 3 days to come in. What he didn’t know is that my automotive-savvy husband had installed the hoses himself and, by the way, he bought the special, expensive hoses from Auto Zone for a few bucks.
Besides being angry, I was really disappointed and I had a decision to make. I had written a post praising the business. Should I now write a post about what they did and warn people to stay away?
Three days later, a heated discussion was happening on one of my favorite HR blogs, Rehaul by Lance Haun. Because someone posted some controversial tweets during a conference presentation, Lance asked the very question I was grappling with – “What Do We Say? When Do We Hold Back?” (You can find the discussion here; be sure to read the comments.)
Where do we draw the line? When do we write about poor experiences? When do we call people out? How detailed do we get? Is it socially responsible to share the negative things that happen to us? Do we veil our written contempt for a business by giving them suggestions on how to improve? (Suggestions they will probably never see?) Do we only give names and places when the experience is positive? Does the idea of never saying anything in public you wouldn’t say to someone face to face always apply?
These are important questions that we need to answer, that I needed to answer. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:
- What we choose to write affects how other people see us. So we need to decide how much others’ perceptions matter to us and our brands, what risks we are willing to take and prepare for the consequences. For me that means I need to decide which battles I want to fight publicly on this blog.
- Franny Oxford had this to say in Lance’s discussion and I thought it was brilliant “…generally we don’t know our own strength or how big our audience might be. There aren’t any good answers – the internet is made up of humans, and we get it wrong all the time. Certainly, I do. But I also think that cutting each other some slack and treating people how we’d like to be treated can go a long way. Even on twitter.” She’s right in everything she said, especially that most people don’t understand the influence they have in social media. “To whom much is given, much shall be required.” Luke 12: 48
For now, I’ve decided not to call out the mechanic on my blog. But I’m still grappling with the bigger questions. I’d love to know what you think.
PS – I think I’m out of my blogging rut and I’m looking forward to bringing more regular posts to you.
{ 20 comments… read them below or add one }
Very thoughtful post. I struggle with many of the questions you’ve raised. But I try to focus my blogging on what I learned from the experience versus the experience itself. If I sit through a bad meal or a terrible presentation, what did I take away from it?
This was a very resonant post for me, since I have been feeling angry about an ongoing painful situation in which I believe I’m being treated very unfairly (by people in a public enterprise). I have toyed with the idea of blogging about it, but worried that it would set off a firestorm, and do me more harm than the offending party. So thank you for helping me step back from the ledge, and glad to see you’ve got your blogging juices going again. Best-k
This is a very interesting question, and I appreciate your dilemma. It’s difficult to know where to draw the line on a rant. You and Kathy bring up a very valid point, too: at what point do we become “whiners” and hurt our own online reputation?
If you go through my blog, you’ll note I have some customer service rants on there. In those, I try to make a point that folks should learn not to do what offended me (or others) in order to provide better service to their customers. I’ve debated on whether to call out businesses by name and have thus far erred on the side of caution and not done so. So far, I’ve thought it better to take the high road and simply try to teach a general lesson to everyone.
I have seen others complain and call out businesses after their repeated, private requests to answer complaints went unheeded. Sometimes this got enough attention to get the issue addressed. Perhaps this needs to be the criteria: give the company in question a few chances to fix the problem before calling them out.
Very nice post, Alicia!
Great topic, thanks. Here’s my take on the customer service posts, good and bad. First, the impact of such posts are fairly limited, whether good or bad. Second, and the much more vexing issue is that companies don’t give good or bad customer service (or at least its rare). And what constitutes either is often in the eyes of the beholder. If anyone wants to verify this, check out motel and restaurant review sites. There will always be good reviews, and bad.
So regarding customer service I’d be willing to praise (with usual caveats), because I simply believe in praising the great and wonderful at anything. To post negative stuff? It depends. The key question: Could such a post help someone avoid being taken advantage of? And can I phrase it in a way that reflects the reality of inconsistent service?
There’s another level, but it doesn’t have to do with customer service. I will expose, attack, and even be rude to people on line who consistently post misleading information whether due to intent (self-interested lying) OR simple incompetence. I suggest others do NOT do that.
Finally, did you know that people who tweet positively tend to have more followers than those who don’t? You can look it up
One more thing: It depends on one’s self-defined role. I get paid for having strong opinions and challenging “common wisdom”. Most people don’t.
Nice post, Alicia. As a typical consumer (and a professional marketer), this is an issue I struggle with often. As an example, my wife and I spent 10 days in Costa Rica last month. Because we had never been to that country, and we wanted to really get a flavor for the various areas and terrains (beaches, lakes, mountains, valleys, etc.), we decided to stay in four different places on our trip. Three of the four were excellent, but the other one was a total disaster in every sense of the word, primarily because of the rude treatment we received from the on-site manager. I swore I would “get even” when I got back to the U.S. by writing a derogatory review on TripAdvisor.com, so that others who were considering staying there would know what they were getting into. But now that I’m back, I’m having second thoughts. Maybe the manager was having a bad day, and he just took it out on us. Or maybe he’s a jerk to everyone who stays there. Either way, I probably won’t post a negative review at this point, as I’d rather give him the benefit of the doubt, at least for now. However, if I read on TripAdvisor.com or anywhere else that he’s treated someone else poorly, I’ll know it wasn’t an isolated case and will then gladly jump in and follow through with the promise I made to myself to expose him. And I’ll still be able to sleep good at night…
Great post Alicia.
My take from it was the superhero mantra: with great power comes great responsibility. And with social media in particular, you have an accountability of action too. You can lose or gain more power with a couple quick comments.
Transparency is all the rage. Post what you’re thinking now. But sometimes I’m thinking about why my cat only pukes when I take a week long vacation, the decibel level of the train that goes by my house or how I can burn my hand on a pan at age 28?
Is that useful to someone? Does it keep a conversation going?
Thanks!
Fantastic post and great comments. I tend to agree with Robert and I feel that writing/blogging negatively on just about anything is not a good idea. The fact that you blogged about your struggle with this and engaged your audience in the discussion is another reason I am a great fan of your blog and will continue to learn from you!
I agree with the other commenters who try to write/tweet/post about what they learn from a negative experience rather than focusing on calling out the party responsible for it.
However, I have found myself wanting to gripe about a business when I’m in the heat of the moment and things aren’t going well. But just like in real life, I try to give myself a cooling off period before reacting. We don’t usually think rationally or with the best of intentions when we’re angry. Taking a step back (especially when Twitter is involved) can provide the head-clearing needed to see the situation for what it may be: a momentary frustration that doesn’t necessarily warrant my ranting response.
But, If the situation is more than a minor irritation, and discussing the situation in a public forum in a reasonable manner may help me (or prevent others from being put in the same situation), I’m all for it.
We don’t need to throw up in each other’s lap every time we have an ephipany, but that’s what the new age of online transparency has done to our gag reflex.
I’m quite guilty of throwing up.
But as most of comments have expressed, it’s all about the learning experience and the positive knowledge transfer regardless of story context.
The difference between getting personal and insightful commentary is in how you retch.
How gross can I get? *sigh*
Sharlyn, that’s an interesting distinction – reporting on the experience vs. reporting what we learn from the experience. I’m wondering if doing both could be appropriate in some cases.
Elmer, your comment takes me back to the importance of defining the role of our blogs. Is it a place to resolve our personal customer experience issues? Is it a place for educating our audiences? I’m not sure there is one right answer to this which is one of the cool things about blogging – this medium is still evolving.
Mike, thanks. Our offline conversations helped.
Robert, thank you for contributing. You make some excellent points. I especially like your comment about understand what our self-defined role (or brand) is. I appreciate that when I read your work, I know I’m going to get an honest opinion and be challenged. You’ve found a balance between honesty and being a social media “shock jock” which let’s face it, a lot of people have done. They are in your face, inappropriate (to the majority of people) and rude. I know several who have branded themselves this way and are hugely successful. Regarding calling people out who are dishonest and unethical, I’ve done it once on this blog regarding someone who stole one of my posts almost word for word.
Kent, what a story! You’re extending the conversation past tweets and blogs into online feedback forums which is interesting. Feedback forums eliminate some of the concerns about personal brand impact. But we all want to sleep well at night don’t we? A quick question for you, if no one else reports a problem, does that mean it was an isolated incident or does it mean that others are too hesitant to share their experiences? Saying something first sometimes helps others to feel more comfortable in leaving a negative review. Tough call.
Lance, I appreciate that your post started an important discussion in the HR realm. Thanks for your comment. You’re right, we also have to know our audience and what is or isn’t important to them. I’ve also found that some of my more mundane posts generated lots of conversation – to my surprise. Tell me more about accountability to action.
Joe, thank you! We need to talk about this more. I must admit that I have sent out a couple of criticizing tweets that I immediately regretted. We’re all learning along the way.
Collen, I’m with you. When this happened with the mechanic, the first thing I thought about was the social media “capital” I have with my followers and I wanted to use it. I think that is why I was so quiet for so long. You’re right. It’s hard to control emotions in these types of situations.
Kevin, first – gross! (I can tell you are in newborn baby mode.) Second, after all this discussion I can see there is a difference between calling out a situation so we can all learn from it and calling out an individual. The later should be done rarely. Thanks for your comment.
Cyber hug…((( )))
If you weren’t struggling you wouldn’t be you! You have a heart and think before you type yet it’s always from the heart and full of integrity, guts, and positive energy. We can’t change who we are, we just need to step back sometimes and evaluate what the effects both positive and negative might be, if there is a greater good, and whether it will change ANYTHING in the end. Being transparent comes with a cost and you are aware of it–kuddos to you Alicia. <3
Traci, thank you. I think the key to what you said is “stepping back.” That seems to always give us a clearer perspective.
In general, I think it is unethical to make derogatory comments about any business or individual based on a personal encounter. Putting negative things on the web, where they can stay forever, does disproportional harm, especially since your experience may be an aberration, an exception, or your subjective assessment of equivocal facts. National companies are a different matter, but it is wrong to extrapolate a local incident to an indictment of entire company.
The use of personal blogs and Facebook pages to settle scores and engage in vendettas is a misuse of technology and communication. Whistleblowing is fine, but you have to be relatively certain you are right, and not reacting to a personal beef. The bottom line is the web pages aren’t weapons. If you are going to go after someone you have had personal dealings with, I do think you have an ethical obligation to let them know in advance.
And even endorsements need to be handled with care, because may people assume that if it is on the web, it has authority. I once praised a lawyer for one especially ethical act. A woman, using my post as her inspiration, hired the lawyer and was dissatisfied with his conducting of her affairs. She then hounded me for weeks, saying that I had misled her, that I was obviously in league with him, and that I owed her some kind of compensation.
You were right and responsible to think hard about this issue.
Jack, I appreciate your perspective on this. You accurately point out that on the web, what we say lasts forever and we should consider that before posting anything potentially negative. I’m so glad you brought up endorsements. Your advice applies to individuals and organizations – even non-profits.
I don’t 100% agree that it is a misuse of technology and communication to use personal blogs or Facebook pages to settle scores. It’s not something I would choose to do, but if someone’s personal Facebook page is just that – for personal use, they can post whatever they want. And we can choose to unfriend them if we don’t like what they post.
Thank you for your comments. You made a valuable contribution to this discussion. I’m looking forward to checking out your site!
I’m glad you decided to post that you were actually having trouble posting a blog and why. So many people try to get out of or dismiss a rut without looking at what could have caused it in the first place and the implications involved.
Though I do not own a business, the same questions apply when I blog (which is probably why I have several at various security levels). I am a teacher now, and if I choose to share about my day, I have to realize that what I’m saying can be accessed by parents, teachers, future employers, and quite possibly my own students. Does this worry me? For my “professional” blog, not really. I make an effort to keep my overall tone for that blog professional, analytical and informative, but I am not afraid to put the “Jacki” into each post. Do I list my blog on professional networks? Yes, and though sometimes I’ve hesitated, ultimately, I want my employers to know how I process things and to know more about who I am and what I can bring to the table before sitting down with them.
I have also fallen into the pit of ranting far too much about more private matters in more secured blogs, forgetting that what I say, some people can still read it. It may color their picture of me differently, but their impression of what I’m talking about is far worse, and usually undeserved.
In my opinion, being able to look at a situation from multiple points of view is essential when presenting it to an audience who isn’t able to pick up on your intonation or social, emotional and physical cues. It will save a great deal of trouble of thought out. Good post.
Jacki, you’ve answered part of this question. You have different accounts set up for viewing by different people. One account is your more “professional” account and the other is where you post your no-holds-barred, personal point of view. Thank you for your input!
As much as I enjoy/want to criticize, it isn’t always productive. I do my best – not necessarily to call a specific vendor out – but to highlight negative experiences that I have, so that I can hopefully educate someone else not to make that same mistake…
That said, an occasional blast is good for the soul…
But that isn’t always productive. Thanks for making me think on this a bit…
Todd, I have a feeling this conversation will continue on…