I picked up one of my favorite books to re-read last week: Talking from 9 to 5, by Dr. Deborah Tannen. Tannen is a linguistics expert, and has written several books to help us understand the differences in how men and women communicate in the workplace.
There was a section of the book that fascinated me – the gender differences around questions. Turns out that the stereotypes are true: women ask more questions than men. Tannen explains this is because men understand, more than women, that asking a question (whether for help or directions) puts a person in an inferior position. Therefore, most men will avoid asking a question publicly where asking might highlight a lack of knowledge. Instead, they will do almost everything else they can to find the answer on the their own.
As a woman and a coach, I don’t agree that asking questions makes one inferior. From my perspective, someone who asks questions demonstrates humility, they acknowledge they don’t know everything and show a willingness to learn (all essential to being coached). But according to Tannen, mine is a typically female and naive perspective.
The reality, according to Tannen, is that there is a very real, negative bias towards people who ask questions. In the corporate world, people who appear to know things or have the capability of figuring things out on their own are highly valued. And therein lies the problem.
Leadership experts tell us the ability to ask good questions leads to great answers which then leads to intense personal/professional development. (Pick up a copy of John Maxwell’s Thinking for a Change or John G Miller’s QBQ: The Question Behind the Question.) If this is true, your responsibility as a leader is to make your department a safe place for people to ask good questions, regardless of their gender.
Encourage Questions
I’m not suggesting you put Successories posters on your walls that say “There is No Such Thing as a Stupid Question.” More precisely, you need to be cognizant of how you perceive and treat employees who ask questions.
- Do you favor people who ask or don’t ask questions?
- How do you reward employees who ask questions vs employees who don’t?
- How do you respond when an employee asks you a question?
What do you think? Should we ask more questions? Do questions make us look inferior?
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- Is Your Cup Cracked? Customer Experience
- Please Don’t Like Me – A post about authenticity
- How to Create an Irrelevant Brand
Alicia Arenas is a business consultant and corporate trainer. She learned the business ropes working as an accomplished HR leader in Fortune 100 and 500 companies for 15 years. She decided to leave the corporate world and opened her highly acclaimed consulting firm, Sanera, The People Development Company. Alicia’s mission is to equip leaders to make sound, game-changing, revenue-bursting business decisions and focus employees on being more productive. She also runs a business boot camp. Alicia is based in San Antonio, Texas and consults with companies nationwide.
Photo courtesy of Stefan Baudy via Flickr.
