Has this ever happened to you?

Here’s the scene: My husband and I are standing at an elevator with a male tour guide . A woman is walking towards us. The tour guide sees her and says, “You look lost. Can I help you?” She looks at him awkwardly, drops her head down and says, “Oh. I’m sorry. I’m fine.”

What?!? Why was she apologizing? There was nothing for which she should apologize. She didn’t cause offense. She didn’t do anything but walk down the hall.

It made me think about a time I was in a coaching session with a client. She was kind enough to make dinner for me. In 40 minutes she apologized 8 times for little inconsequential things like not having the salt shaker on my side of the table. This was a mystery to me. She did not have anything to apologize for either and I told her to stop it.

There are times when an apology is warranted from a business or service provider such as when a grocery stork clerk drops boxes of Ramen Noodles on your head. I’m sure you can think of other examples too.

Over-Apologizing

What I’m highlighting here is over-apologizing. It’s annoying, but more importantly,  I’m concerned that it undermines credibility in a business setting, particularly in female/male relationships.

There is a study out of the University of Waterloo in Ontario, Canada that came out in September, 2010 in the Journal of Psychological Science. The scientific research concluded that the reason women apologize more than men is because women believe there are more things worthy of an apology than men do. In other words, the research shows that women are more easily offended than men. No big surprise there.

Speaking in generalities, the researchers speculate this could be because women are more relationship driven than men or because as a gender, women tend to be more intuitive about other people’s feelings than men. Regardless of the reasons why, male and female, we need to stop unwarranted apologizing.

Unwarranted, over-apologizing positions us as being subservient and hurts our brand. Did you know that according to dictionary.com, the origin of the word “sorry” means distressed and full of sorrow? Do you really have that many things to be full of sorrow about?

But, I could be wrong. What do you think? Is there such a thing as apologizing too much?

Related posts:

• Brand Building, Butts and Your Bottom Line
• Mirror, Mirror on the Wall – Creating a Professional Brand
• 3 Reasons to Be Like Edward Cullen – What Businesses Can Learn from the Twilight Movies

Alicia Arenas is a business coach and corporate trainer. When she’s not singing or song-writing, she helps her entrepreneurs increase their sales through coaching and her business boot camp. Alicia is located in San Antonio, Texas, but coaches people nationwide.

Photo Courtesy of Iain Farrell, via Flickr

A few weekends ago my husband and I were driving from San Antonio to South Texas. If you haven’t traversed that route, there are stretches of flat highway interrupted by little bitty towns. Our trip gave us unfortunate, visible evidence of what the recession has done to small business owners. Many of the places where I love to shop are closed. There was an antique store in Three Rivers called The Goodie Box. There was another place in George West (yes, that’s the name of a town) where a farmer sold the best tomatoes I’ve ever eaten in my life. Now they both have prominent “for sale” signs on their buildings.

Then we got to another little town (which shall remain anonymous) and saw this sign in front of a restaurant.

Really?

I talk a lot about branding and marketing on this blog. Effective marketing does two things. First, it makes an emotional connection with the prospect. The restaurant got that part right. Second, effective marketing creates emotions that drive prospects to purchase. The sign? Big fail.

What are the primary emotions you feel when you read this sign? Mine are:

• Eeuuww (The words starvation & restaurant don’t work well together.)
• Anger (What’s with the guilt trip?)
• Frustration (No correlation exists between my starving & your place.)
• Compassion (To donate money  to my local food bank.)

Please note, none of these emotions made me say to my husband, “Quick, pull over! I want to eat there!”

Make Me Want To Do Business With You

I get it. I feel badly that this restaurant is struggling and they are obviously desperate. But projecting desperation to the public,  making me feel sorry for you or laying a guilt trip on me as a way to get me in your doors is ineffective. It didn’t work with this restaurant and it won’t work for you either.

“I don’t make people feel sorry for me.” Yes you do. You may not be conscious of it, but I see it all the time, particularly from small business owners. This type of positioning weakens your credibility and causes people not to want to do business with you. Here’s the thing: You may not have a billboard, but you’ve got a sign and it’s broadcasting something. It’s there every time you interact with a prospect. It’s visible to everyone in the emails you send. It is eliciting emotions. The question is, what emotions?

Back To The Restaurant

Think about it from this perspective. What emotions (hunger is not an emotion) would make you want to eat at a restaurant? Confidence that their food is delicious? Perhaps excitement because they have your favorite dessert? Happy because their food reminds you of what your mother used to make? Each one of those is a better, more effective alternative. The restaurant needs a sign that makes people feel good.

For kicks, if this was your restaurant, what would you put on the sign? Here’s an idea to get you started:

• When you serve good food, the recession doesn’t matter.

I haven’t written a blog post in three weeks. I’ve tried. I’ve sat in front of my computer screen almost every day and attempted to come up with something meaningful, smart and witty. But it didn’t happen. So I decided to stop trying so I could figure out what was going on and I realized that I was having an ethical dilemma: Where do we draw the line as bloggers?

My husband and I had a rash of crappy customer experiences in July. We went to one of our favorite restaurants and were treated terribly. We bought two new bikes and were treated even worse there. Then my car broke down. Based on how it behaved, we thought it was the transmission. Less than thrilled about spending $3k for a new one, we had it towed to the closest mechanic shop, one we had not used before. Later that day, my husband received a phone call from them and the manager said, “Mr. Arenas, I would love to sell you a new transmission, but I can’t. You need a new alternator.”

Full stop.

An honest mechanic? Isn’t that a contradiction in terms? If they told us it was the transmission, we would have believed them. But they chose to act ethically and treat us honestly which cost them a $3k sale.

On a high from this amazing experience, I wrote a blog post praising this business. I described what happened, gave the name of the business, included links to their site, mentioned the people with whom we spoke and said that they are an example of how making the right decision in the short term leads to long-term success. I was ready to send it out on Twitter and Facebook with recommendations but decided to wait until after we picked up the car.

When we got there, the manager changed his tune. He said that they found something else wrong with car. He said that when they changed some belts for us, they discovered that hoses were not connected to the transmission properly; they were damaged and needed to be replaced. He also said that since the car is a Nissan, the hoses were expensive, had to be special ordered and would take at least 3 days to come in. What he didn’t know is that my automotive-savvy husband had installed the hoses himself and, by the way, he bought the special, expensive hoses from Auto Zone for a few bucks.

Besides being angry, I was really disappointed and I had a decision to make. I had written a post praising the business. Should I now write a post about what they did and warn people to stay away?

Three days later, a heated discussion was happening on one of my favorite HR blogs, Rehaul by Lance Haun. Because someone posted some controversial tweets during a conference presentation, Lance asked the very question I was grappling with – “What Do We Say? When Do We Hold Back?” (You can find the discussion here; be sure to read the comments.)

Where do we draw the line? When do we write about poor experiences? When do we call people out? How detailed do we get? Is it socially responsible to share the negative things that happen to us? Do we veil our written contempt for a business by giving them suggestions on how to improve? (Suggestions they will probably never see?) Do we only give names and places when the experience is positive? Does the idea of never saying anything in public you wouldn’t say to someone face to face always apply?

These are important questions that we need to answer, that I needed to answer. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

• What we choose to write affects how other people see us.  So we need to decide how much others’ perceptions matter to us and our brands, what risks we are willing to take and prepare for the consequences. For me that means I need to decide which battles I want to fight publicly on this blog.

• Franny Oxford had this to say in Lance’s discussion and I thought it was brilliant “…generally we don’t know our own strength or how big our audience might be. There aren’t any good answers – the internet is made up of humans, and we get it wrong all the time. Certainly, I do. But I also think that cutting each other some slack and treating people how we’d like to be treated can go a long way. Even on twitter.”  She’s right in everything she said, especially that most people don’t understand the influence they have in social media. “To whom much is given, much shall be required.” Luke 12: 48

For now, I’ve decided not to call out the mechanic on my blog. But I’m still grappling with the bigger questions. I’d love to know what you think.

PS – I think I’m out of my blogging rut and I’m looking forward to bringing more regular posts to you.

True story: With high expectations, I recently attended a conference held by a nationally renowned company. Surprisingly, the company’s speakers weren’t very good and most of the curriculum was rehashed information I saw in other programs for years. The company was shocked by the lack of enthusiasm from the attendees. And we were shocked to hear the company tell us, “But no one else in the country is delivering this training the way we do.” They were operating from a false sense of security. They assumed they had the corner on the market and they were profoundly wrong. And they were big enough and well funded enough to absorb the cost of being wrong. But few small business owners can survive staking their claim on a mistake.

I want you to succeed. I want you to turn your talents and ideas into a profitable business that will out-perform your competition. The question becomes, “How?” Thankfully, the answer is simple: If you want to outshine your competition, you first need to understand them.

Understanding Your Competitors

These are the questions I encourage my clients to answer. Finding the answers will take research and even some reconnaissance but your efforts will be well worth it.

1. Who are your top 3 competitors? (A competitor is anyone in your field or industry who currently takes business from you or has the potential to take business from you.)

2. Why is _____________ my competitor?

3. How much are they dominating the __________ (your city or customer demographic) market?

4. What do they do that is similar to me?

5. Why are they successful?

6. What are their strengths?

7. What are their weaknesses?

8. What do they do that I’m not doing?

9. What do they sell that I’m not selling?

10. What opportunities is my competitor missing?

11. What types of customers is my competition ignoring?

12. To whom is my competition marketing?

13. How is my competition marketing?

14. How could my competitor take me down?

15. What service is my competition not providing?

16. What I am doing better than them?

17. What obvious problems can I solve that my competition is not?

18. What is unique about me and my business that I can leverage into a competitive edge?

Please note that understanding your competition is not the only answer. It is rather, a part of the whole equation. Things like your qualifications, your willingness to Crush It, your financial stability, your employees and your marketing/PR efforts amalgamate to determine your success. So consider this to be a first step.

What do you think? How important is understanding your competition? Is it possible to become too obsessed with knowing your competitors’ every move?

Photo courtesy of evelynishere.

Have you enjoyed March Marketing Madness as much as I have? Well it’s not over yet. I have the great pleasure of introducing you to Todd Schnick. Todd is Chief of The Intrepid Group, a marketing firm out of Atlanta, Georgia. Todd specializes small to medium-sized companies (one of the reasons I wanted him to guest post) with a focus on integrating social media into their daily business lives and incorporating bold designs online and in marketing collateral. Besides all that, Todd is a friend. We met on Twitter last year through a mutual friend and have been tweeting ever since.

Here’s Todd’s post:

UNCLUTTER YOUR MARKETING

I have been doing a lot of reading about minimalism recently. I need to simplify my life. I need to shed all the clutter that is distracting me from the things I value the most. And in my research, I have learned a lot.

And as is typical, the ideas I uncover are hardly rocket science. In fact, they are quite simple. They just require the will and the discipline to execute on them.

As I have been going through this process, I have done a lot of thinking about applying minimalist principles to our marketing. And whenever I speak to folks about this, they get confused about where I am coming from, thinking I mean to stop their marketing altogether. Or to dramatically cut back on their marketing budget.

Hardly.

What I really mean is to “unclutter” your marketing. What do I mean by this? Simple:

1. Simplify your message.

2. Simplify your efforts.

3. Increase focus on the fewer things that matter.

4. And yes, you can reduce your marketing costs.

1. Simplify Your Message

When we talk about our business, most of us talk about too many things. We create messaging to talk to a broad range of potential clients. In other words, we cast too large a net. As a result, we catch nothing.

The goal? Determine the one, simple message that yields the most customers and/or return customers, and focus only on that.

2. Simplify Your Efforts

A lot of the small business people I know have too many things going on with their marketing. They are employing too many tactics. They have signed up for every conceivable online tool they can get their hands on.

As a result, they execute on NONE of them very well. And they waste time, money, and effort. Now, I am not suggesting that you shouldn’t try and test new things. But be discerning when you commit to trying something new. Plan it, think about it, and prepare yourself to get the most out of the experiment.

Too often, most entrepreneurs have TOO many things going on, and they have ZERO idea if this particular tactical option is even yielding a positive return.

Focus only on the things that work, that drive real profits.

3. Increase Focus on Things That Matter

Someone recently said that wannabe golfers don’t want to spend time on the driving range, so they just invest in expensive equipment at the pro shop. I love this, because it speaks to my very point.

For example, many small business people think that just buying the “best on market” CRM solution will magically turn around their prospecting.

Not so. As always, it depends on what you do with it. Using the previous example, you will only achieve what you want by “spending time on the driving range.” You simply have to remove all the time-consuming distractions, and focus only on the things that matter and drive profits.

You may have five different tactical options you are implementing in your marketing, such as time on the social web, face-to-face networking, local cable television advertisements, direct response mail, and Google Adwords.

Do you know which ones (if any) are actually leading to profitable customers? If only two of those options are producing, cut the other three, and focus on making the two that do generate profits work even better, or deepen the investment in those two.

4. Reduce Your Costs Too!

The biggest challenge I face with my clients is convincing them to spend money on their marketing. You have to spend money to make money.

But I have witnessed too many small business people who spend money frivolously on too many little things. They are bombarded with sales pitches from this company and that one, and they spend money trying them out with little to no regard for how any of these things integrate into their broad program.

(They are buying equipment in the pro shop, NOT practicing on the driving range…)

Simply removing all this tactical clutter can save you money. The time saved from fiddling with these can free you up to focus on things that matter, which will result in higher profits.

BE CLUTTER FREE!

At the end of the day, removing the clutter from your marketing program will save you time, frustration, stress, money – and FREE you up to focus on the core mission of your marketing – which is delivering a simple, clear message to your core market.

This results in focusing on what you do best to serve that market. In the end, you will see an increase in your profits – and you will enjoy your business more. And isn’t that what this is all about?

Todd, that is a message I needed to hear. Thank you.

I confess that I struggle with making things too complicated at times. Over time (and through learning some lessons the hard way) I am at a point in my business where I truly value simplicity. Do you? Don’t forget, if you would like to ask Todd specific questions regarding marketing, feel free to leave him a question in the comments section.

Welcome to March Marketing Madness! All this week, you will have access to several marketing experts’ opinions and ideas. And today, I am happy to introduce you to Eric Fletcher. Eric is the Chief Marketing Officer of McGlinchey Stafford PLLC, a national corporate law firm. He is a former broadcaster, advertising agency creative director and partner, and founded his own professional services consulting firm. He also has a rich marketing blog, Marketing Brain Fodder which I highly recommend. Yes, Eric is a savvy professional and I am thrilled to have him as one of Sanera’s March Marketing Madness guest bloggers.

Thank you Eric!

The Fuzzy Area Between Vision and Focus

Few things have as much to do with the fabric of our communities as the vision that resides in business leaders.  Certainly, family as well as other centers of value and education top the list; but the perspective that drives innovation, creates new enterprise, and transforms dreams to reality is a big part of what shapes cities and neighborhoods.

But somewhere between the vision that congers greatness and the focus necessary to realize a dream, things often get blurry.

You know the drill.  There is buy-in for a vision; strategic planning is complete; goals and objectives identified; and resources have been ear-marked.  Then something insidious happens: it comes disguised as a bigger, better vision, or a too-good-to-pass-up-all-new “opportunity” that demands immediate attention and resources.  And, though not forsaken (you have far too much invested in it by this point), the original vision never quite looks the same.

This is particularly problematic for the small business and entrepreneurial environment, where leaders tend to be visionary, seeing opportunity at every turn.

At this point it is tempting to resort to an old metaphor: it is impossible to hit the bull’s eye if you take your eye off the target. But the issue is a bit more multidimensional than that.  For an idea person, the harsh reality is that conceiving and honing a vision plays to our strength; maintaining focus often plays to a weakness.

Warning: this next part is tough for most marketers to hear.

In today’s marketplace good ideas are rarely enough to carry the day. Better mousetraps and newer/faster/better solutions are conceived on a regular basis.  The few that make it to the market and win are either the byproduct of tenacious focus or pure luck.  Either works, but you only control one.

One of the most creative and innovative business leaders I know is plagued by his vision.  So grand is his ability to picture what might be, that he is never short of ideas.  But his visionary perspective seems to render him incapable of focusing long enough to nurture an idea to fruition.  By contrast, some of history’s grandest breakthroughs are the coincidental byproduct of tenacious focus  I frequently wonder about the impact my friend’s vision might have had, had he been able to focus.

And just in case you’re tempted to relegate the discussion to innovations or inventions, marketing is an area where focus can seem to be an afterthought.  After all, with sufficient media resources and distribution channels, you can hit virtually any target with your eyes closed.  (Apologies for resorting to the “target” analogy.)  But for the vast majority of main street, marketing plans don’t come backed by the kind of media budget that enables the small business to market blindfolded.

So if focus wins…how do you fight through blurry (or double) vision, and stay focused?  Here are four ideas.

1. Do your due-diligence on the front end.  Know your market.  Even if you don’t have an R&D budget, find a way to test your idea and marketing strategy.  Customer surveys and focus groups are great tools here.

2. Know the metrics. How much does your vision cost?  How much is it worth?  At what point does it begin producing ROI? What percentage of your budget is earmarked for marketing?  Know the numbers. The perspective gained here helps when it comes to maintaining focus in the face of other opportunities.

3. Establish a timetable.  No business or marketing plan is good enough to be open-ended.  Your plan of action should include a calendar that specifies appropriate dates for evaluation and strategic “tweaks.”  Establish these at the outset, and it’s much easier to avoid playing “hunches.”

4. Practice saying “NO.” Whether marketing a company, product, or idea, the critical measure of focus is the ability to say “no” to distractions disguised as opportunities.  There will be plenty.  Stay the course, execute your plan.  Chasing multiple opportunities is reactive.  And a reactive strategy almost always seeds leadership and market share to someone else.

There are a number of understandable reasons for the blurring that exists between vision and focus.  For many businesses it is as simple as the fact that a single leader is responsible for both tasks, while the perspective required for each is unique.  So, for all charged with both tasks, separate hats — or more appropriately, goggles — is the order of the day.

Eric, thank you for your insightful advice to our readers.

Eric is right. For the entrepreneur our greatest asset can easily become our Achilles heel. If you consistently practice Eric’s four ideas you will be sure-footed in the vortex of your own ideas. Don’t forget, if you would like to ask Eric specific questions regarding marketing, feel free to leave him a question in the comments section.

It’s funny how being a coach causes me to turn inward and examine my business practices. I regularly have to ask myself if I’m taking the advice I give to my clients. Unfortunately, the answer is “not always,” particularly with regard to niche markets.

You see, I’m doing a lot of work with clients (and in Boot Camp) around niche markets. We are discussing how going after the “everybody” market is less than hopeless, the importance of identifying niche markets, how to overcome our fears about selecting niche markets and finally, how to select one. It’s pretty powerful stuff. In fact, today, one of my clients had a major breakthrough in determining what her niche market should be. We figured it out and it was awesome to hear her regain her excitement about her business! I live for these moments with clients.

When I first started tweeting (February 2009) I followed the people who I knew and loved most – Human Resources (HR) professionals. Coming from a 15 year stint as an HR Leader, it was (and still is) important for me to keep a pulse on what is happening in that industry. What HR brings to organizations is vital and can often make the difference between a company making their budget or needing to do layoffs. These folks have my greatest respect.

So here I am, 1 year later, blessed to have 5,700+ followers, most of whom are in HR and recruiting. And this is where (forgive the over-used expression) “The Cobbler’s children have no shoes.” I love HR, admire HR pros and enjoy watching all the improvements happening in HR. In the last year I have developed life-long friendships with HR and recruiting professionals I met strictly via Twitter:  @meghanmbiro, @mikevandervort, @chareeklimek, @valueintowords, @kevinwgrossman, @anitasantiago, @stephaniealloyd and @stelzner (and others I’m sure I’m forgetting – forgive me). I’m blessed to be friends with a hundred more I tweet with regularly. I was even a sponsor for the first annual HRevolution unconference last year.

However, in the last two months, people I respect and admire have asked me whether I’m in HR, in small businesses or a combination of both. That was a big red flag. As much as I hate to say it, the reality is that I’m not a corporate HR person any longer and Sanera is not an HR company. I’m a business coach and corporate trainer. That is what I do and what I love.

What does all this mean? I need to make sure that my core message about coaching and training isn’t confused with my love for HR. You will probably see me tweet less about Human Resources issues and more about small business issues. But I will be DMing my HR friends more often and will regularly comment on their blogs, even if I’m not retweeting them as much as I used to. Along with other small business owners, I will continue to look for opportunities to blog, coach and speak to HR consultants and recruiters about how to grow and improve their businesses. And, by the way, there are a lot of similarities in how small business owners and HR pros need to brand themselves. Thereare also similarities in how business owners and job seekers sell themselves.

I usually blog about things that have practical application for you, so I appreciate you indulging me in a little self-reflection.

If I can admit I’m not always focusing on my niche, what would you say about your focus?

Special thanks to Matthew Egan (@imagefreedom) for his post which inspired me to write mine.